


Can I sleep with you?

by Lost_Without_Words



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Developing Relationship, Insomnia, M/M, Maybe more - Freeform, Romantic Friendship, The Black Room, fear of the dark, fobias
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-05
Updated: 2015-10-11
Packaged: 2018-04-25 01:08:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4940890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lost_Without_Words/pseuds/Lost_Without_Words
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Allen is brought back to the Order from a failed mission, in which he was held captive in a room with no means of light or sound, he finds that he is incapable of sleeping in the dark, or sleeping at all. Despite this he is forced to go on a mission a short time later with someone who is able to understand his new found fear better than Allen had ever thought possible.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Introduction to the black room

**Author's Note:**

> The first few chapters should be up this week and the rest will be posted weekly.

The white noise was deafening in the darkness that seemed to be trying to engulf him completely.

Every time he blinked his eyes open it seemed like the darkness had backed away for just a bit, but then, the longer he kept his eyes wide open, the blackness seemed to morph into a fog like creature that slowly stretched over the dark greyness of the room.

It really was a tell tale sign that he had been locked in the room, if it was in fact just a room, for a long time, because otherwise he would not be able to tell apart the darkness that kept moving in on him and backing away from him whenever he closed or opened his eyes.

And truthfully, he was aware that it wasn’t actually a living creature, not a demon, since his cursed eye would have detected it, and certainly not of human descend. And if he was completely honest with himself, he knew that the shadow tricks that were being played out in front of him meant that there was a source of light somewhere. No matter how small and or hidden, but it was there. Something that his captors had over-looked when they had threw him in here.

Allen sighed and regretted doing that right as his breath left his lungs, his lips and escaped into the cold air of the “room”, before ricocheting from the walls surrounding him and echoing in his ears louder than any scream he had ever heard.

Really, whoever had come up with this kind of torture room must have been a genius. The complete and utter blackness that was everywhere he dared to look was blinding and not just because it was too tick to see through, but because it made him feel like he had never been able to see before. And like he would never be able to even try. And the all-consuming quietness was making even his breath and sighs echo of the walls like gunfire. He had tried talking to himself before, though he couldn’t really tell how long ago it had been, and it had made him hate the sound of his own voice.

Too high, too scarred, too breathy and too loud in the silence. Loud enough to burst his eardrums. Loud enough to match even the most enraged yells from Kanda and Komui’s most excited cheering when a brand new Komurin had been activated for the first time.

He wasn’t afraid of the dark, not since he had fought through the apathy and depression that had followed Mana’s death. And not before that either. He really was not afraid of the dark, and neither was he afraid of silence. He had in fact preferred it to be silent in his room, it brought him peace to be surrounded in the calming silence that could be found in his room.

Here, however, it wasn’t calming, it wasn’t relaxing and even though he was not afraid of the dark or quiet, he was shaking. The sound that was echoing of the walls was the loud thumps of his heart and the rustle of his clothes as he sat down on the floor, seemingly trying to curl in on himself for protection. Of what he didn’t know, but it surely couldn’t be the darkness looming over him.

 

 


	2. Days go by in darkness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He was still covering his ears to not let any sound the darkness could make slip inside, but his yell was so loud that he couldn’t hide from it, and it left him shaking, sobbing and praying to the God he hated and doubted that the sound would go away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short insight of Allen's feelings while he hopes and waits for help. Next chapter will have a slight time jump, and more characters will appear.

It had been a week since he had found himself in this stone cold room that, at least that was what he thought in the moments when his mind was calm enough to think.

He had received food, small amounts of it, just a few pieces of bread, a larger glass of stale water and some lollipops, seven times. And the excruciatingly long time between each meal made him think that he was being fed once a day.

One teeny tiny meal a day. It was not enough. Not nearly enough to sustain his Innocence and not even close enough to give him the strength to walk around his prison. He had starved before, but never like this.

The fear, that he was not ashamed to admit he felt anymore, was taking away the will power to even try and fight. And really, what could he fight, even if he had the power to? The darkness? No. He was too scared to face it, to look at it. To see the shadows move, even when there were none.

At some point, his captor had found their mistake and closed off whatever little hole had provided the tiniest amount of light in the room. Everything was pitch black now. Darker than black, darker than the darkest colour he could imagine.

It made him hyperventilate whenever he thought too much about it, because it made him FEEL the darkness. Feel it gathering around him. Feel it getting inside of him with every breath he took. Through his wide open eyes, through his ears that were covered tightly by his palms. And Allen could swear that he tasted the darkness in the food. In the water. Taste in on the warm glass of the cup.

“ENOUGH!” He kicked out and could hear the cup fall down, could feel the water wetting the bottom of his pants. And he screamed. He screamed to cast out the darkness that he had breathed in, that he had eaten, that he had welcomed every time he felt himself give up. He screamed until his lungs burned, his vocal cords ached and he was left coughing violently, convulsing on the stone cold floor.

He was still covering his ears to not let any sound the darkness could make slip inside, but his yell was so loud that he couldn’t hide from it, and it left him shaking, sobbing and praying to the God he hated and doubted that the sound would go away. That the short moment of fighting against the overpowering darkness would be forgotten and that he could calm down enough to not hear his thundering heartbeat in his ears as a rhythm for the echoing screams.

He didn’t have enough fluid in himself to cry for more than just a few minutes though and by that time the echoes of the scream before had died down to whispers that he wasn’t sure he was actually hearing or if they were just in his mind. He tried to breathe slowly. In and out. In. And out. It was helping, if only to get the feeling of being choked by the invisible, darker than the night arms of the all-consuming blackness.

He curled back into the ball he had been staying in for the most of the time he had spent in this place, because he was certain that the darkness would grab him if he couldn’t hold all his limbs close to his body.

It was something like a kid hiding under a blanket so the boogie man couldn’t find him, only now he had nothing to hide under. So he wrapped his arms tightly around his knees, bowed his head, to not have to face the darkness of the room, and to try and even hide his ears by hunching over as much as he could.

After all, no matter how terrified he felt, no matter that he hadn’t slept in days and had only wetted his mouth with bits of food for a week. He had to keep his sanity. Keep it until someone found him. Because he knew that he might be lost and scared and almost hopeless, but he was not forgotten.


	3. Out of the dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Allen gets his first meal in a while. And his jokes might hold a bigger meaning than just a friendly banter.

The day after he had closed his eyes thinking how pitiful it was that he was to die forgotten in this black hole that seemed worse than Hell itself, he woke up to the sickening feeling of being shaken. Allen would have screamed from with the utmost horror that came with the thought of the blackness finally grabbing him, taking him and claiming him, if he hadn’t felt sick to his stomach.

So he puked. There was not enough in his body to actually let him do that, but it did not matter. He was heaving, trembling and shaking as his whole body was going through the motions. Motion sickness really.

**“For fucks sake! It’s not enough that you smell like shit, you also have to barf on me!?”**

Allen felt his body being released from the darkness right before his mind came to a halt. A voice? The darkness had only screamed with the sound of his own and this definitely didn’t sound like him. It was lower in tone and not nearly desperate enough to even resemble anything he had heard for the last… he didn’t even know how long had passed since he had had his last bite to eat.

**“Oy.. Beanspr-? Ohh for the love of God, open your eyes!”**

Worry and anger interchanged and mixed together in the low voice and Allen’s eyes snapped open. Briefly, before the light had made him squeeze them shut and press his palms against the eyelids.

It stung. Felt like acid being poured right on his face. Like the time his eye had been pierced by Road. And yet, instead of shying away from the pangs of pain, it made him breathe a sigh of relief. He was alive. If he could feel pain, if the light could hurt him. Then surely, it could banish the darkness that had chosen his body as its home. And save him.  
  
**“Allen? Fuck. We don’t have time for this.”**

He was tossed over someone’s shoulder. Yes, someone’s. A person and not darkness was taking hold of him and it made him feel safe. For the first time in so long, he welcomed the feel of a touch, because it wasn’t the shadows that had reached out for him. No, it was a human. Someone he knew. Someone, whose voice made him remember anger and fury, and gave him hope.

_“K-and..a..”_

His voice sounded raspy and weak, but it was fine. For just this moment, it was fine to let Kanda see him weak. Because he would be able to return home and in one piece and with most of his sanity still attached to him and not to the darkness that still lingered over him.

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

When Allen next woke up it was because of he was feeling hungry. The smell of food, delicious, precious food, was covering him like a blanket and he slowly blinked his eyes open.

It was dark. And he wanted to scream and rip, and tear, and break free, but two strong hands pushed him down into something soft and shook him.

**“Allen. Keep your eyes open for more than a second and look at me. Now.”**

The authority and familiarity of that voice made him obey and he opened his eyes, that he didn’t realise he had closed in his panic, to meet he steady gaze of his master’s single eye.

Cross was leaning close to him, to make sure to be in the kid’s field of vision, no doubt, and after Allen had starred absentmindedly into that single orb for quite some time, he realised that he was not in the dark after all. He was in a dim room, yes, but he could make out a bed, a table, a closed curtain and a lamp. This definitely didn’t seem like the place he had been imprisoned.

He blinked his eyes a couple of times and was brought back to reality when he felt the pressure leave his shoulders and smelled a familiar scent of Tabaco.

**“Really now, I would have thought that you were not afraid of the dark anymore, kid. I am not going to wash the sheets after a sixteen year old.”**

Cross had moved to stand by the closed curtains and was looking outside. And Allen was staring at his profile, thinking about something that seemed just out of grasp for his mind to understand. But the growl of his stomach made whatever he was going to ask, say or think retreat to the back of his mind.

**“Master, I can’t sit up.”**

There was no point in pretending that he was strong enough to do it and he knew that his master knew it. Even so, relying on his master to feed him was not something he liked or wanted to do. But now.. now he felt like he had regressed back into the kid that needed help.

**“Isn’t that your own fault, Idiot Apprentice? Getting yourself in a mess and having me go through the trouble of bringing you back. Do you even know how filthy you were?”**

Cross flicked his cigarette and gave Allen a one-over.

**“Sit up. I don’t think he’ll want to feed you any more than I do.”**

And with that, Cross waltzed out of the room, leaving Allen with another rumble from his stomach and a headache from hunger, to slowly struggle to sit up. He needed food, more than anything right now, and if sitting up was the only requirement, he was damn well going to meet it.

When the door to the room, Allen was sitting up against the pillows and rubbing his stomach to relieve the pain. He figured that he had probably fainted because of the lack of food, but how long ago that had been and how long ago had he been here, he really had not the slightest clue.

If he hadn’t been watching the door eagerly hoping, waiting for the meal to arrive, he would have not heard Kanda enter. His steps were quiet and evenly measured, the tray in his arms did not make the slightest sound. The only sound that did follow his entrance was a quiet click of his tongue, seemingly in disapproval of having to bring food to Allen’s bedside. He didn’t say anything though and sat on the other bed in the room after he had placed the tray in Allen’s lap. And Allen was too busy concentrating on not spilling out any of the rich vegetable soup that he had been offered.

It took Allen half an hour of struggling to keep his spoon still and his body from rejecting the food to actually finish his soup. And at least ten minutes more before he had gathered his thoughts enough to speak to the other person in the room, who had not said a single things since entering.

**“Thank you. You didn’t have to shake me like that to wake me up though, and you got what you deserved for it.”**

**“You little shit. I was running to get your ass away from the Noahs and you puked. In. My. Hair.”**

**“It’s not my fault that your hair is so long and always gets in the way. Really, you should consider cutting it. I’ll even do it for you.”**

**“Like hell you will! Maybe my boot up your ass would help with your attitude, stupid Beansprout.”**

Allen smiled. Yes, this was better, this was familiar. Kanda was familiar. And Kanda was safe, as for all his harsh words and curses, he had rescued him, cooked for him, because really, he doubted Cross would have done it, if there was someone else who could, and was now sitting here with him to keep him company. Something that he desperately needed.

**“It was the Noahs then…”**

**“You really don’t remember how it happened?”**

**“No. I only remember the darkness being all around.”**

He shook slightly when he said the word that described his surroundings and all his feelings for –

**“It’s been around two weeks since the Order last heard from you. That damn Rabbit was pissing his pants with worry.”**

-for two whole weeks. Kanda was always surprisingly keen on providing details when he wasn’t asked to. A stark contrast to the times he was being begged for information yet refused to utter a single word.

**“Where are we?”**

**“Germany. The South.”**

**“Is my Master still here?”**

**“Che. He’s here all right, making me look after you. You do know that you are not at the age to need diapers, right? Because washing you has been a shitty task to say the least.”**

**“You what?!”**

Allen would have flushed if his body had enough energy to run his blood up to his cheeks. Sure, he knew that he was stinky and dirty. But he did not remember soiling himself. And he was not sure just how thankful he should be for Kanda having had washed him and now stating things like these.

He looked at Kanda more clearly, watching his face before meeting his eyes, those dark blue eyes that were as hard and cold, as they were calm and relaxed.

**“I hope you at least didn’t get in the bath with me then. I wouldn’t want to think of you handling my naked and –unconscious- body, when you are not fully dressed.”**

Kanda smirked, slightly, but still visibly and he shook his head a bit, craning it to the left.

**“You know that what you are implying will get you in hell of a lot of trouble, if anyone from the Order hears what you just said.”**

**“You’re not going to say anything, though. You have said worse obscenities than that.”**

**“I might have, but I’ve never implied thinking of another man in that way.”**

**“You also didn’t look all too surprised about what I implied.”**

**“Che. I’m long over the phase of being surprised of your tastes, Sprout.”**

Kanda dropping the previous subject so easily meant that weather or not he had in fact soiled himself while laying unconscious, it was not being held against him. And somehow, the way Kanda joked with him about a comment that could in deed get him into more trouble than it was worth, let Allen relax for the first time in a very long time.

 


End file.
